Old Tombstones

True or not, still funny.





Born 1903--Died 1942
Looked up the elevator shaft
to see if the car was on the way down.
It was.

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In a Thurmont, Maryland, cemetery:

Here lies an Atheist
All dressed up
And no place to go.


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On the grave of Ezekial Aikle
in East Dalhousie Cemetery, Nova Scotia:

Here lies Ezekial Aikle, Age 102.
The Good Die Young.


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In a London, England cemetery:

Here lies Ann Mann,
Who lived an old maid
But died an old Mann.
Dec. 8, 1767

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In a Ribbesford, England, cemetery:

Anna Wallace:
The children of Israel wanted bread,
And the Lord sent them manna.
Old clerk Wallace wanted a wife,
And the Devil sent him Anna


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In a Ruidoso, New Mexico, cemetery:

Here lies Johnny Yeast.
Pardon me
For not rising.


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In a Uniontown, Pennsylvania, cemetery:

Here lies the body of Jonathan Blake.
Stepped on the gas
Instead of the brake.


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In a Silver City, Nevada, cemetery:

Here lays The Kid.
We planted him raw.
He was quick on the trigger
But slow on the draw.

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A lawyer's epitaph in England:

Sir John Strange.
Here lies an honest lawyer,
And that is Strange.


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John Penny's epitaph in the Wimborne,
England, cemetery:

Reader, if cash thou art In want of any,
Dig 6 feet deep; And thou wilt find a Penny.


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In a cemetery in Hartscombe, England:

On the 22nd of June,
Jonathan Fiddle went out of tune.


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Anna Hopewell's grave
in Enosburg Falls, Vermont:

Here lies the body of our Anna,
Done to death by a banana.
It wasn't the fruit that laid her low,
But the skin of the thing that made her go.


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On a grave from the 1880s in Nantucket,
Massachusetts:

Under the sod and under the trees,
Lies the body of Jonathan Pease.
He is not here, there's only the pod.
Pease shelled out and went to God.


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In a cemetery in England:

Remember man, as you walk by,
As you are now, so once was I.
As I am now, so shall you be.
Remember this and follow me.

To which someone replied by writing
on the tombstone:

To follow you I'll not consent
Until I know which way you went.