Great and Funny Forwards

Which Generation???

2008-08-14T05:15:00.002-05:00

The Silent Generation...people born before 1945.

The Baby Boomers...people born between 1945 and 1965 .

Generation X...people born between 1966 and 1976.

Generation Y...people born between 1977 and 1999.

Why do we call the last group of people Generation Y?

I had no idea until I saw this caricaturist's explanation!

A picture is worth a thousand words!

Christian the Lion - the full story (in HQ)

2008-07-15T17:17:00.001-05:00

Are you as smart as your Granny?

2008-06-30T14:07:00.003-05:00

What it took to get an 8th grade education in 1895...Remember when grandparents and great-grandparents stated that they only had an 8th grade education? Well, check this out. Could any of us have passed the 8th grade in 1895? This is the eighth-grade final exam from 1895 in Salina , Kansas , USA . It was taken from the original document on file at the Smokey Valley Genealogical Society and Library in Salina , and reprinted by the Salina Journal.
8th Grade Final Exam: Salina , KS -1895

Grammar (Time, one hour)
1. Give nine rules for the use of capital letters.
2. Name the parts of speech and define those that have no modifications.
3. Define verse, stanza and paragraph
4. What are the principal parts of a verb? Give principal parts of 'lie,''play,' and 'run.'
5. Define case; illustrate each case.
6 What is punctuation? Give rules for principal marks of punctuation.
7 - 10. Write a composition of about 150 words and show therein that you understand the practical use of the rules of grammar.

Arithmetic (Time,1 hour 15 minutes)
1. Name and define the Fundamental Rules of Arithmetic.
2. A wagon box is 2 ft. deep, 10 feet long, and 3 ft. wide. How many bushels of wheat will it hold?
3. If a load of wheat weighs 3,942 lbs., what is it worth at 50cts/bushel, deducting 1,050 lbs. for tare?
4. District No 33 has a valuation of $35,000. What is the necessary levy to carry on a school seven months at $50 per month, and have $104 for incidentals?
5. Find the cost of 6,720 lbs. coal at $6.00 per ton.
6. Find the interest of $512.60 for 8 months and 18 days at 7 percent.
7. What is the cost of 40 boards 12 inches wide and 16 ft. long at $20 per metre?
8. Find bank discount on $300 for 90 days (no grace) at 10 percent.
9. What is the cost of a square farm at $15 per acre, the distance of which is 640 rods?
10. Write a Bank Check, a Promissory Note, and a Receipt

U.S. History (Time, 45 minutes)
1. Give the epochs into which U.S. History is divided
2. Give an account of the discovery of America by Columbus .
3. Relate the causes and results of the Revolutionary War.
4. Show the territorial growth of the United States
5. Tell what you can of the history of Kansas .
6. Describe three of the most prominent battles of the Rebellion.
7. Who were the following: Morse, Whitney, Fulton , Bell , Lincoln , Penn, and Howe?
8. Name events connected with the following dates: 1607, 1620, 1800, 1849, 1865.

Orthography (Time, one hour) [Do we even know what this is??]
1. What is meant by the following: alphabet, phonetic, orthography, etymology, syllabication
2. What are elementary sounds? How classified?
3. What are the following, and give examples of each: trigraph, subvocals, diphthong, cognate letters, linguals
4. Give four substitutes for caret 'U.' (HUH?)
5 Give two rules for spelling words with final 'e.' Name two exceptions under each rule.
6. Give two uses of silent letters in spelling. Illustrate each.
7. Define the following prefixes and use in connection with a word: bi, dis, mis, pre, semi, post, non, inter, mono, sup.
8. Mark diacritically and divide into syllables the following, and name the sign that indicates the sound: card, ball, mercy, sir, odd, cell, rise, blood, f are, last.
9. Use the following correctly in sentences: cite, site, sight, fane, fain, feign, vane , vain, vein, raze, raise, rays.
10. Write 10 words frequently mispronounced and indicate pronunciation by use of diacritical marks and by syllabication.
Geography (Time, one hour)
1 What is climate? Upon what does climate depend?
2. How do you account for the extremes of climate in Kansas ?
3. Of what use are rivers? Of what use is the ocean?
4. Describe the mountains of North America
5. Name and describe the following: Monrovia , Odessa , Denver , Manitoba , Hecla , Yukon , St. Helena, Juan Fernandez, Aspinwall and Orinoco .
6. Name and locate the principal trade centers of the U.S.
7. Name all the republics of Europe and give the capital of each.
8. Why is the Atlantic Coast colder than the Pacific in the same latitude?
9. Describe the process by which the water of the ocean returns to the sources of rivers.
10. Describe the movements of the earth. Give the inclination of the earth.

Notice that the exam took FIVE HOURS to complete. Gives the saying 'he only had an 8th grade education' a whole new meaning, doesn't it?! And we worry if we are as smart as a fifth grader today? Excuse me??

WILL MAKE YOU SMILE!

2008-06-22T13:04:00.002-05:00

Don't you love Monday's?

HOW WAS YOUR CEREAL THIS MORNING?

How to handle a problem neighbor

Boy Genius

Tattoo of the Year

Gender-Specific Driving Etiquette

2008-06-21T20:29:00.003-05:00

A woman is driving at night on a narrow country road. At the same time, a man is driving in the opposite direction on that same road.

When they narrowly pass each other at high speed, the woman rolls down her window and loudly shouts
-
HORSE!

Immediately the man shouts
back
-
WITCH!

The man laughs. He is proud to have reacted so quickly to the shouting woman and takes the next turn in the road, maintaining his speed.

Moral of the story:

Most men never listen and, when they do, they don't understand one word a woman says.

When the Thong is just WRONG

2008-05-07T15:10:00.010-05:00

Ahh, summertime and thongs are once more in sight; a testimony as to why
most should just say NO to thongs.

When it's on the outside.....

On the soccer field..

When it's trying to escape.....

When it's on sideways.... WTF?

When it's getting a bear hugg......

When your armpits touch it.....

When it's holding you together.....

And finally, When you're back from the grave.....

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Food for thought

2008-04-28T17:46:00.008-05:00

A sliced Carrot looks like the human eye. The pupil, iris and radiating lines look just like the human eye...and science shows that carrots greatly enhance blood flow to and function of the eyes.
A tomato has four chambers and is red. The heart is red and has four chambers. All of the research shows tomatoes are indeed pure heart and blood food.

Grapes hang in a cluster that has the shape of the heart. Each grape looks like a blood cell and all of the research today shows that grapes are also profound heart and blood vitalizing food.

A walnut looks like a little brain, a left and right hemisphere, upper cerebrums and lower cerebellums. Even the wrinkles or folds are on the nut just like the neo-cortex. We now know that walnuts help develop over 3 dozen neuron-transmitters for brain function.

Kidney beans actually heal and help maintain kidney function and yes, they look exactly like the human kidneys.

Celery, Bok Choy, Rhubarb and more look just like bones. These foods specifically target bone strength. Bones are 23% sodium and these foods are 23% sodium. If you don't have enough sodium in your diet the body pulls it from the bones, making them weak. These foods replenish the skeletal needs of the body.

Eggplant, Avocados and Pears target the health and function of the womb and cervix of the female - they look just like these organs. Today's research shows that when a woman eats 1 avocado a week, it balances hormones, sheds unwanted birth weight and prevents cervical cancers. And how profound is this? .... It takes exactly 9 months to grow an avocado from blossom to ripened fruit. There are over 14,000 photolytic chemical constituents of nutrition in each one of these foods (modern science has only studied and named about 141 of them).

Figs are full of seeds and hang in twos when they grow. Figs increase the motility of male sperm and increase the numbers of sperm as well to overcome male sterility.

Sweet potatoes look like the pancreas and actually balance the glycemic index of diabetics.

Olives assist the health and function of the ovaries.

Grapefruits, oranges, and other citrus fruits look just like the mammary glands of the female and actually assist the health of the breasts and the movement of lymph in and out of the breasts.

Onions look like body cells. Today's research shows that onions help clear waste materials from all of the body cells They even produce tears which wash the epithelial layers of the eyes

Latest rage in shoes . . .

2008-04-24T03:56:00.003-05:00

Do YOU think your shoes are uncomfortable? Have a look at these.........The latest rage in Japan ....

Feel Better?? Thought you would . . .

2008-04-22T12:35:00.000-05:00

2008-04-22T07:33:00.003-05:00

Written by a housewife from New Jersey and sounds like it! This is one
ticked off lady.

"Are we fighting a war on terror or aren't we? Was it or was it not
started by Islamic people who brought it to our shores on September 11,
2001?
Were people from all over the world, mostly Americans, not brutally
murdered that day, in downtown Manhattan, across the Potomac from our
nation's capitol and in a field in Pennsylvania? Did nearly three
thousand men, women and children die a horrible, burning or crushing
death that day, or didn't they? And I'm supposed to care that a copy
of the Koran was "desecrated" when an overworked American soldier kicked
it or got it wet?..
Well, I don't. I don't care at all.
I'll start caring when Osama bin Laden turns himself in and repents for
incinerating all those innocent people on 9/11. I'll care about the
Koran when the fanatics in the Middle East start caring about the Holy
Bible, the mere possession of which is a crime in Saudi Arabia. I'll
care when these thugs tell the world they are sorry for hacking off Nick
Berg's head while Berg screamed through his gurgling slashed throat.
I'll care when the cowardly so-called "insurgents" in Iraq come out and
fight like men instead of disrespecting their own religion by hiding in
mosques. I'll care when the mindless zealots who blow themselves up in
search of nirvana care about the innocent children within range of their
suicide bombs.

I'll care when the American media stops pretending
that their First Amendment liberties are somehow derived from
international law instead of the United States Constitution's Bill of
Rights. In the meantime, when I hear a story about a brave marine
roughing up an Iraqi terrorist to obtain information, know this: I don't
care. When I see a fuzzy photo of a pile of naked Iraqi prisoners who
have been humiliated in what amounts to a college-hazing incident, rest
assured: I don't care. When I see a wounded terrorist get shot in the
head when he is told not to move because he might be booby-trapped, you
can take it to the bank: I don't care. When I hear that a prisoner,
who was issued a Koran and a prayer mat, and fed "special" food that is
paid for by my tax dollars, is complaining that his holy book is being
"mishandled," you can absolutely believe in your heart of hearts: I
don't care. And oh, by the way, I've noticed that sometimes it's
spelled "Koran" and other times "Quran." Well, Jimmy Crack Corn and-you
guessed it-I don't care !! If you agree with this viewpoint, pass
this on to all your E-mail friends. Sooner or later, it'll get to the
people responsible for this ridiculous behavior! If you don't agree,
then by all means hit the delete button. Should you choose the latter,
then please don't complain when more atrocities committed by radical
Muslims happen here in our great Country! And may I add: "Some people
spend an entire lifetime wondering if they made a difference in the
world. But, the Marines don't have that problem" -- Ronald Reagan

I have another quote that I would like to add AND......I hope you
forward all this. "If we ever forget that we're One Nation Under God,
then we will be a nation gone under." Also by.. Ronald Reagan

One last thought for the day:
In case we find ourselves starting to believe all the Anti-American
sentiment and negativity, we should remember England's Prime Minister
Tony Blair's words during a recent interview. When asked by one of his
Parliament members why he believes so much in America, he said: "A
simple way to take measure of a country is to look at how many want in..
And how many want out."

**** "I'd rather entrust the government of the United States to the first 400 people in the Boston
telephone directory than to the faculty of Harvard University." - William J. Buckley, Jr. ****

The Crosswalk

2008-04-15T15:04:00.005-05:00

Every once and a while, a seemingly-simple email comes around that ends up being quite profound. This is one of them.

Awesome!! We complain about the cross we bear but don't realize it is preparing us for the dip in the road that God can see and we cannot.

Whatever your cross,

whatever your pain,

there will always be sunshine, after the rain....

Perhaps you may stumble, perhaps even fall;

But God's always ready, to answer your call....

He knows every heartache, sees every tear,

a word from His lips, can calm every fear...

Your sorrows may linger, throughout the night,

But suddenly vanish, by dawn's early light...

The Savior is waiting, somewhere above,
to give you His grace, and send you His love.

May God fill your day with blessings!!
Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle!

"For I know the plans I have for you," says the Lord. "They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope." Jer 29:11

A Mom's William Tell Overture

2008-04-12T05:35:00.003-05:00

2008-04-12T05:35:00.001-05:00

Does this make sense?

2008-04-06T13:52:00.002-05:00

5 million of our older Americans have not signed up yet for their
Medicare, Part D, drug plan------they are old and confused.
We are NOT going to grant them an extension.

However, 12 million illegal aliens are in our country and we are going to allow them to stay, protest, procreate, receive support monies, attend schools, avoid paying income taxes, have our teachers take 300 hours of ESL(English as a Second Language)
training at our expense, etc.

WE MUST REALLY DISLIKE OUR OLD PEOPLE......
OR WE MUST REALLY LOVE TACOS!!!

Don't forget to pay your taxes......
12 million illegal aliens are depending on you!

A Story Without Words . . .

2008-04-05T11:06:00.002-05:00

You might be a leprechaun if . . .

2008-03-17T05:14:00.006-05:00

You might be a Leprechaun if...

* You snicker uncontrollably all through "Darby O'Gill And The Little People."

* Their record collection is stocked only with very short artists -- Paula Abdul, Sheena Easton, Prince, Phil Collins.

* You get jumpy every time friends ask you if you can cover them for lunch.

* When you see a rainbow, you get a greedy little look in your eye. (Arrrr, there's me pot o' gold!)

* In your cupboard -- nothing but Lucky Charms cereal.

* Every time you get your paycheck, you convert it into gold coins and bury it somewhere.

* You insist on dancing a jig on your way to work each morning to the embarrassment of all your friends.

* You've been under a rock for the past few years.

* You just despise fairies. ("Wing Envy" if you ask me!)

* You try to pick up women by saying "Ah, lassie, you have dazzling kneecaps, you do."

* When drunk, you discourse endlessly on shoes, and annoy folks by saying things like "How can ye not know what a grommet is, lad? You're wearing several on yer feet! What are ye, dumb?"

* Around St. Patrick's Day, you stock up on Shamrock Shakes at McDonald's.

* When you say something is "magically delicious," it really is.

And the number one way you can tell
you might be a Leprechaun:

* You're three feet tall, Irish, have red hair, cuss, drink and wear green a lot!

Old Tombstones

2008-03-15T20:14:00.002-05:00

True or not, still funny.

Born 1903--Died 1942
Looked up the elevator shaft
to see if the car was on the way down.
It was.

******************************
In a Thurmont, Maryland, cemetery:

Here lies an Atheist
All dressed up
And no place to go.

*****************************
On the grave of Ezekial Aikle
in East Dalhousie Cemetery, Nova Scotia:

Here lies Ezekial Aikle, Age 102.
The Good Die Young.

******************************
In a London, England cemetery:

Here lies Ann Mann,
Who lived an old maid
But died an old Mann.
Dec. 8, 1767

*****************************
In a Ribbesford, England, cemetery:

Anna Wallace:
The children of Israel wanted bread,
And the Lord sent them manna.
Old clerk Wallace wanted a wife,
And the Devil sent him Anna

******************************
In a Ruidoso, New Mexico, cemetery:

Here lies Johnny Yeast.
Pardon me
For not rising.

******************************
In a Uniontown, Pennsylvania, cemetery:

Here lies the body of Jonathan Blake.
Stepped on the gas
Instead of the brake.

******************************
In a Silver City, Nevada, cemetery:

Here lays The Kid.
We planted him raw.
He was quick on the trigger
But slow on the draw.

******************************
A lawyer's epitaph in England:

Sir John Strange.
Here lies an honest lawyer,
And that is Strange.

******************************
John Penny's epitaph in the Wimborne,
England, cemetery:

Reader, if cash thou art In want of any,
Dig 6 feet deep; And thou wilt find a Penny.

******************************
In a cemetery in Hartscombe, England:

On the 22nd of June,
Jonathan Fiddle went out of tune.

******************************
Anna Hopewell's grave
in Enosburg Falls, Vermont:

Here lies the body of our Anna,
Done to death by a banana.
It wasn't the fruit that laid her low,
But the skin of the thing that made her go.

******************************
On a grave from the 1880s in Nantucket,
Massachusetts:

Under the sod and under the trees,
Lies the body of Jonathan Pease.
He is not here, there's only the pod.
Pease shelled out and went to God.

******************************
In a cemetery in England:

Remember man, as you walk by,
As you are now, so once was I.
As I am now, so shall you be.
Remember this and follow me.

To which someone replied by writing
on the tombstone:

To follow you I'll not consent
Until I know which way you went.

Why, Why, Why

2008-03-14T20:43:00.006-05:00

Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting dead?

Why do banks charge a fee on 'insufficient funds' when they know there
is not enough money?

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion
stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw
a revolver at him?

Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

Whose idea was it to put an 'S' in the word 'Lisp'?

If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?

Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are
always white?

Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?

Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that
something new to eat will have materialized?

Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum
cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to
give the vacuum one more chance?

Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on your first try?

How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?

When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a
shopping cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we say, 'It's all
right?' Well, it isn't all right, so why don't we say, 'That hurt, you dummy!

Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling
off the table you always manage to knock something else over?
In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was
in summer when we complained about the heat?

How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?

And my FAVORITE......

The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four persons is
suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best
friends -- if they're okay, then it's you.

2008-03-11T04:57:00.003-05:00

Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can't even get into my own pants.

Marriage changes passion.
Suddenly you're in bed with a relative.

I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with 'Guess' on it.
So I said 'Implants?' She hit me.

How come we choose from just two people to run for
president and over fifty for Miss America ?

I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose-fitting clothing. If I HAD any loose-fitting clothing, I wouldn't have signed up in the first place!
When I was young we used to go 'skinny dipping,' now I just 'chunky dunk.'

Don't argue with an idiot; people watching may not be able to tell the difference.

Wouldn't it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we could simply press 'Ctrl Alt Delete' and start all over? AMEN, AMEN !!

Why is it that our children can't read a Bible in school, but they can in prison?

Why do I have to swear on the Bible in court when the Ten Commandments cannot be displayed outside?

Bumper sticker of the year:
'If you can read this, thank a teacher -and, since it's in English, thank a soldier'

Wouldn't you know it....
Brain cells come and brain cells go, but FAT cells live forever.

The Oil Change

2008-03-10T08:09:00.002-05:00

Oil Change instructions for Women:

1) Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 miles since the last oil change.
2) Drink a cup of coffee
3) 15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly maintained vehicle.

Money spent:
Oil Change: $20.00
Coffee: $1.00
Total: $21.00

Oil Change instructions for Men :

1) Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store and buy a case of oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree, write a check for $50.00.
2) Stop by 7/11 and buy a case of beer, write a check for $20, drive home.
3) Open a beer and drink it.
4) Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.
5) Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.
6) In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
7) Place drain pan under engine.

8) Look for 9/16 box end wrench.
9) Give u p and use crescent wrench.
10) Unscrew drain plug.
11) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: splash hot oil on you in process. Cuss..
12) Crawl out from under car to wipe hot oil off of face and arms. Throw kitty litter on spilled oil.
13) Have another beer while watching oil drain.
14) Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench.
15) Give up; crawl under car and hammer a screwdriver through oil filter and twist off
16) Crawl out from under car with dripping oil filter splashing oil everywhere from holes. Cleverly hide old oil filter among trash in trash can to avoid environmental penalties. Drink a beer.
17) Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to gasket surface.
18) Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.
19) Remember drain plug from step 11.
20) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
2 1) Drink beer.
22) Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on t he floor. Throw kitty litter on oil spill.
23 ) Get drain plug back in with only a minor spill. Drink beer.
24) Crawl under car getting kitty litter into eyes. Wipe eyes with oily rag used to clean drain plug. Slip with stupid crescent wrench tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame removing any excess skin between knuckles and frame.
25) Begin cussing fit.
26) Throw stupid crescent wrench.
27) Cuss for additional 5 minutes because wrench hit bowling trophy.
28) Beer.
29) Clean up hands and bandage as required to stop blood flow.
30) Beer.
31) Dump in five fresh quarts of oil.
32) Beer.
33) Lower car from jack stands.
34) Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during any missed steps.
35) Beer.
36) Test drive car.
37) Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence.
38) Car gets impounded.
39) Call loving wife, make bail.
40) 12 hours later, get car from impound yard.

Money spent:
Parts: $50.00
DUI: $2500.00
Impound fee: $75.00
Bail: $1500.00
Beer: $20.00
Total: $4,145.00
But you know the job was done right!

Tips on Pumping Gas

2008-03-10T07:34:00.003-05:00

I checked this out on SNOPES and it is listed as undetermined. Some of this is really common sense, once you think about it. Happy Pumping!

TIPS ON PUMPING GAS

I don't know what you guys are paying for gasoline.... but here in
California we are also paying higher, up to $3.50 per gallon. But my
line of work is in petroleum for about 31 years now, so here are some
tricks to get more of your money's worth for every gallon..

Here at the Kinder Morgan Pipeline where I work in San Jose, CA we
deliver about 4 million gallons in a 24-hour period thru the pipeline
One day is diesel the next day is jet fuel, and gasoline, regular and
premium grades. We have 34-storage tanks here with a total capacity
of 16,800,000 gallons.

Only buy or fill up your car or truck in the early morning when the
ground temperature is still cold. Remember that all service stations
have their storage tanks buried below ground. The colder the ground
the more dense the gasoline, when it gets warmer gasoline expands, so
buying in the afternoon or in the evening....your gallon is not
exactly a gallon. In the petroleum business, the specific gravity and
the temperature of the gasoline, diesel and jet fuel, ethanol and
other petroleum products plays an important role.

A 1-degree rise in temperature is a big deal for this business. But
the service stations do not have temperature compensation at the
pumps.

When you're filling up do not squeeze the trigger of the nozzle to a
fast mode. If you look you will see that the trigger has three
(3)stages: low, middle, and high. In slow mode you should be pumping
on low speed, thereby minimizing the vapors that are created while you
are pumping. All hoses at the pump have a vapor return. If you are
pumping on the fast rate, some other liquid that goes to your tank
becomes vapor. Those vapors are being sucked up and back into the
underground storage tank so you're getting less worth for your
money.

One of the most important tips is to fill up when your gas tank is
HALF FULL or HALF EMPTY. The reason for this is, the more gas you have
in your tank the less air occupying its empty space. Gasoline
evaporates faster than you can imagine. Gasoline storage tanks have an
internal floating roof. This roof serves as zero clearance between the
gas and the atmosphere, so it minimizes the evaporation. Unlike
service stations, here where I work, every truck that we load is
temperature compensated so that every gallon is actually the exact
amount.

Another reminder, if there is a gasoline truck pumping into the
storage tanks when you stop to buy gas, DO NOT fill up--most likely
the gasoline is being stirred up as the gas is being delivered, and
you might pick up some of the dirt that normally settles on the
bottom. Hope this will help you get the most value for your money.

DO SHARE THESE TIPS WITH OTHERS!

WHERE TO BUY USA GAS, THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT TO KNOW. READ ON

Gas rationing in the 80's worked even though we grumbled about it. It
might even be good for us! The Saudis are boycotting American goods.
We should return the favor.

An interesting thought is to boycott their GAS.

Every time you fill up the car, you can avoid putting more money into
the coffers of Saudi Arabia. Just buy from gas companies that don't
import their oil from the Saudis.

Nothing is more frustrating than the feeling that every time I fill-up
the tank, I am sending my money to people who are trying to kill me,
my family, and my friends.

I thought it might be interesting for you to know which oil companies
are the best to buy gas from and which major companies import Middle
Eastern oil.

These companies import Middle Eastern oil:

Shell........................... 205,742,000 barrels

Chevron/Texaco........ 144,332,000 barrels

Exxon/Mobil.............. 130,082,000 barrels

Marathon/Speedway.. 117,740,000 barrels

Amoco............................62,231,000 barrels

Citgo gas is from South America, from a Dictator who hates Americans.
If you do the math at $30/barrel, these imports amount to over $18
BILLION! (oil is now $90 - $100 a barrel

Here are some large companies that do not import Middle Eastern oil:

Sunoco................0 barrels

Conoco..................0 barrels

Sinclair.................0 barrels

BP/Phillips.............0 barrels

Hess.....................0 barrels

ARC0.....................0 barrels

If you go to Sunoco.com, you will get a list of the station locations
near you.

All of this information is available from the Department of Energy and
each is required to state where they get their oil and how much they
are importing.

But to have an impact, we need to reach literally millions of gas
buyers. It's really simple to do.

Now, don't wimp out at this point.... keep reading and I'll explain
how simple it is to reach millions of people!!

I'm sending this note to about thirty people. If each of you send it
to at least ten more (30 x 10 = 300)...and those 300 send it to at
least ten more (300 x 10 = 3,000) .. and so on, by the time the
message reaches the sixth generation of people, we will have reached
over THREE MILLION consumers !!!!!!! If those three million get
excited and pass this on to ten friends each, then 30 million people
will have been contacted!

If it goes one level further, you guessed it .... THREE HUNDRED
MILLION PEOPLE!!!

Again, all you have to do is send this to 10 people. How long would
all that take?

2008-03-09T06:45:00.002-05:00

NOTE: This is weird - you have got to try it!
At the end of this message, you are asked a question.

Answer it immediately. Don't stop and think about it.

Just say the first thing that pops into your mind.

This is a fun 'test'... AND kind of spooky at the same time! Give it a try, then e-mail it around (including back to me) and you'll see how many people you know fall into the same percentage as you. Be sure to put in the subject line if you are among the 98% or the 2%. You'll understand what that means after you finish taking the test'.

Now... just follow the instructions as quickly as possible.

Do not go to the next calculation before you have finished the previous one..

You do not ever need to write or remember the answers, just do it using your mind.

You'll be surprised.

Start:

How much is:

15 + 6

3 + 56

89 + 2

12 + 53

75 + 26

25 + 52

63 + 32

I know! Calculations are hard work, but it's nearly over..

Come on, one more!

123 + 5

QUICK! THINK ABOUT A COLOR AND A TOOL!

Scroll further to the bottom....

A bit more...

You just thought about a red hammer ! didn't you?

If this is not your answer, you are among 2% of people who have a different, if not abnormal, mind.

98% of the folks would answer a red hammer while doing this exercise.

If you do not believe this, pass it around and you'll see.

The awwww factor

2008-03-02T17:44:00.006-06:00

Health Watch

2008-02-23T21:59:00.002-06:00

Thank God I'm FAT!!!!

2008-02-19T17:23:00.010-06:00

THANK GOD I'M FAT, THANK GOD I'M FAT, THANK GOD I'M FAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You think fat is ugly??? Check this out.

Napkins for Special Occasions

2008-02-18T17:17:00.005-06:00

This cracked me up! Tell me you all didn't wonder about these when you were little!!

THE GOOD NAPKINS... ahhhhh... the joys of having Girls...

My mother taught me to read when I was four years old (her first mistake). One day, I was in the bathroom and noticed one of the cabinet doors was ajar.

I read the box in the cabinet. I then asked my mother why she was keeping 'napkins' in the bathroom. Didn't they belong in the kitchen?

Not wanting to burden me with unnecessary facts, she told me that those were for "special occasions" (her second mistake).

Now fast forward a few months.... It's Thanksgiving Day, and my folks are leaving to pick up my uncle and his wife for dinner. Mom had assignments for all of us while they were gone.

Mine was to set the table.

When they returned, my uncle came in first and immediately burst into laughter. Next came his wife who gasped, then began giggling. Next came my father, who roared with laughter.

Then came Mom, who almost died of embarrassment when she saw each place setting on the table with a "special occasion" Kotex napkin at each plate, with the fork carefully arranged on top. I had even tucked the little tail in so they didn't hang off the edge!!

My mother asked me why I used these and, of course, my response sent the other adults into further fits of laughter.

"But, Mom, you said they were for special occasions!!!"

Isn't it easier to just tell the truth?! ????????

Life is too short for drama & petty things, so kiss slowly, laugh insanely, Love truly and forgive quickly.

Beautiful Women Month

2008-02-08T15:03:00.000-06:00

And all she wants to do is,

dance, dance, dance . . .

Did you know that it's Beautiful Women Month?

Well, it is and that means you !!!

I'm supposed to send this to FIVE BEAUTIFUL WOMEN,

and you are one of them !!!

Below is a wonderful poem Audrey Hepburn wrote

when asked to share her "beauty tips."

It was read at her funeral years later.

For attractive lips , speak words of kindness.

For lovely eyes , seek out the good in people.

For a slim figure , share your food with the hungry.

For beautiful hair , let a child run his/her fingers through it once a day.

For poise , walk with the knowledge that you never walk alone...

People, even more than things, have to be restored,

renewed, revived, reclaimed, and redeemed;

never throw out anyone.

Remember, if you ever need a helping hand,

you will find one at the end of each of your arms.

As you grow older, you will discover that you have two hands ;

one for helping yourself and the other for helping others.

If you share this with another woman,

something good will happen.
You will boost another woman's self esteem,

and she will know that you care about her.

It's BEAUTIFUL Women Month

TAG YOU'RE IT!

Dance On, Sister!!!

I will Never Complain about My Kids . . .

2008-02-07T16:56:00.000-06:00

(THIS HAS BEEN EDITED TO REMOVE THE MOST OFFENSIVE, IF YOU CAN BELIEVE THAT!)

REPEAT AFTER ME-
ONE THOUSAND MORE TIMES THAN SHOWN HERE:

I will never complain about MY kids again .
I will never complain about MY kids again ...
I will never complain about MY kids again
I will never complain about MY kids again ..
I will never complain about MY kids again
I will never complain about MY kids again ...
I will never complain about MY kids again .
I will never complain about MY kids again ...
I will never complain about MY kids again .
I will never complain about MY kids again ...
I will never complain about M Y kids again .
I will never complain about MY kids again ...

I will never complain about MY kids again .
I will never complain about MY kids again ...

I will never complain about MY kids again .
I will never complain about MY kids again ...

I will never complain about MY kids again .
I will never complain about MY kids again ...

I will never complain about MY kids again .
I will never complain about MY kids again ...

Just for fun

2008-02-05T04:21:00.000-06:00

HEMA is a Dutch department store chain. The first store opened on November 4, 1926, inAmsterdam . Now there are 150 stores all over the Netherlands . HEMA also has stores in Belgium, Luxemburg and Germany . Take a look at HEMA's product page. You can't order anything and it's in Dutch but just wait a couple of seconds and watch what happens...once it starts, just let it go, and don't use your mouse.

News Flash! Best Sleeping Positions

2008-02-04T17:15:00.001-06:00

2008-02-04T13:25:00.001-06:00

Also in a fwd today, one that is a bit dated but just as relevant as it was when it first made it's rounds:

Subject: ORANGE COUNTY ( CALIFORNIA ) NEWSPAPER

This is a very good letter to the editor. This woman made some good points. For some reason, people have difficulty structuring their arguments when arguing against supporting the currently proposed immigration revisions. This lady made the argument pretty simple. NOT printed in the Orange County Paper...................Newspapers simply won't publish letters to the editor which they either deem politically incorrect (read below) or which does not agree with the philosophy they're pushing on the public. This woman wrote a great letter to the editor that should have been published; but, with your help it will get published via cyberspace

New ImmigrantsFrom: 'David LaBonte'

My wife, Rosemary, wrote a wonderful letter to the editor of the OC Register which, of course, was not printed. So, I decided to 'print' it myself by sending it out on the Internet. Pass it along if you feel so inclined.Dave LaBonte (signed)Written in response to a series of letters to the editor in the Orange County Register:

Dear Editor:

So many letter writers have based their arguments on how this land is made up of immigrants. Ernie Lujan for one, suggests we should tear down the Statue of Liberty because the people now in question aren't being treated the same as those who passed through Ellis Island and other ports of entry.

Maybe we should turn to our history books and point out to people like Mr. Lujan why today's American is not willing to accept this new kind of immigrant any longer.

Back in 1900 when there was a rush from all areas of Europe to come to the United States , people had to get off a ship and stand in a long line in New York and be documented. Some would even get down on their hands and knees and kiss the ground. They made a pledge to uphold the laws and support their new country in good and bad times. They made learning English a primary rule in their new American households and some even changed their names to blend in with their new home.

They had waved good bye to their birth place to give their children a new life and did everything in their power to help their children assimilate into one culture.Nothing was handed to them. No free lunches, no welfare, no labor laws to protect them. All they had were the skills and craftsmanship they had brought with them to trade for a future of prosperity. Most of their children came of age when World War II broke out. My father fought along side men whose parents had come straight over from Germany , Italy , France and Japan . None of these 1st generation Americans ever gave any thought about what country their parents had come from. They were Americans fighting Hitler, Mussolini and the Emperor of Japan. They were defending the United States of America as one people. When we liberated France , no one in those villages were looking for the French-American or the German American or the Irish American. The people of France saw only Americans. And we carried one flag that represented one country. Not one of those immigrant sons would have thought about picking up another country's flag and waving it to represent who they were. It would have been a disgrace to their parents who had sacrificed so much to be here. These immigrants truly knew what it meant to be an American. They stirred the melting pot into one red, white and blue bowl.

And here we are in 2006 with a new kind of immigrant who wants the same rights and privileges. Only they want to achieve it by playing with a different set of rules, one that includes the entitlement card and a guarantee of being faithful to their mother country. I'm sorry, that's not what being an American is all about. I believe that the immigrants who landed on Ellis Island in the early 1900's deserve better than that for all the toil, hard work and sacrifice in raising future generations to create a land that has become a beacon for those legally searching for a better life . I think they would be appalled that they are being used as an example by those waving foreign country flags.

And for that suggestion about taking down the Statue of Liberty, it happens to mean a lot to the citizens who are voting on the immigration bill. I wouldn't start talking about dismantling the United States just yet.

(signed) Rosemary LaBonte

Identifying with your family

2008-02-02T20:21:00.000-06:00

2008-02-01T13:33:00.001-06:00

An elderly couple was sitting together, watching their favourite Saturday night TV program. During one of those commercial breaks, the husband asked his wife: "Whatever happened to our sexual relations?" After a long thoughtful silence, the wife, during the next commercial break, replied: "You know, I don't really know -- I don't even think we got a Christmas card from them this year."

2008-01-31T19:11:00.000-06:00

CANCER CANDLE

All you are asked to do is keep this circulating.

Even if it's to one more person.

In memory of anyone you know that has been struck down by cancer

A Candle Loses Nothing by Lighting Another Candle.

Please feel free to copy this and fwd it one.

.

Rookie the dancing dog

2008-01-31T05:25:00.001-06:00

clear your mind and laugh!

2008-01-31T05:06:00.001-06:00

Tough love vs Spanking

2008-01-30T07:45:00.001-06:00

Tough Love vs. Spanking

Most of America's population think it's improper to spank children, so I have tried other methods to control my kids when they have one of 'those moments.'

One that I found effective is for me to just take the child for a car ride and talk.

They usually calm down and stop misbehaving after our car ride together.

I've included a photo below of one of my sessions with my son, in case you would like to use the technique.

Sincerely,
A Friend

Toronto's Smallest House

2008-01-30T05:17:00.000-06:00

TORONTO'S SMALLEST
HOUSE IS FOR SALE ! ! !

It's nothing short of a 'Glorified Tent' .. or is it?

.If...
...... You live alone or with one other person (or an extremely small dog) .. or if
...... You don't have much stuff (barely more than a homeless person) .. or if
...... You miss that cute little apartment you lived in while teaching English in Japan

THEN THIS IS THE PLACE FOR YOU ! !

This house, located near the intersection of Dufferin Street and Rogers Road is believed to be Toronto's smallest house. Occupying what used to be a driveway,
it's a one bedroom, one bathroom home that sits on a
parcel of land 7.25 feet (2.2 metres) wide and 113.67 feet (34.6 metres) long and has an interior area of just under 300 square feet (under 28 square metres).

Here's the living room, looking towards the front of the house

Here's the living room again, looking towards the back ...

Here's the kitchen. Note that despite the small space
They have managed to fit a washer and dryer into the place

Here's the bedroom. It comes with a Murphy bed,
which is a necessity in such a space. This is what it
looks like with the Murphy Bed down.

And here the bedroom with the Murphy Bed retracted.

You also get some patio space out back.
Here it is, looking towards the front of the house:

And here's the patio looking towards the back:

Here are the home's 'Listed Features'

* Completely re-done top-to-bottom, front-to-back!
* Tumbled stone entrance walk
* Renovated Bath
* Renovated Kitchen with newer stove, new cabinets and new stacked washer/dryer
* Bedroom with Murphy Bed + 'Built-Ins' ... (doubles as a den)
* Walk-out to fenced patio
* 100 Amp service
* 2 Satellite Dishes and Receiver
* Window Air Conditioner Available

THE PRICE ? ? ?

You get all this for only

$179,900.00!

Not only women get old

2008-01-30T05:00:00.000-06:00